Before I set the wrecking crew in motion and bring down this 100 year old cottage, I am salvaging things that mean something. Beautifully old and imperfect windows, doors, fixtures etc. But in the process I am leaving a mess. I don’t have to keep it clean anymore, it’s lifespan is limited to weeks, it’s usefulness has expired. But to rip out a woefully inadequate but sentimental handrail made from a 10 foot sapling leaves some damage. I want the curtains but not the cheap rods, throw those in a corner. When it comes to the windows there will be commensurably more damage. As much as I love this place and have sweated and toiled at its upkeep, sanded and painted, repaired and replaced, maintained and upgraded for decades, now I’m letting it go and it feels a bit disrespectful. Anthropomorphizing comes easily. How do I get over feeling like I’m putting a friend down? I’ve missed it when away and basked in it’s warmth when here.
I’m gonna be a wreck when the time comes.